Crappy writing...

Nigeria Jaga Jaga

I remember well when I first heard this song, light years after it had filled the airwaves. I was never one to keep up with popular culture, pardon me if you see me excited about some new slogans when the rest of the world has caught on to something new. Why am I asking you, you are online and would never come to my rescue when I make my gaffes in person? Oh well, moving on.

So I heard this song and did enjoy the beat much. Very up and bubbling, if I say so myself. It sure got my hard core frozen muscles moving, however involuntary it may have been. Well most didn’t like the song. “Why use such words to depict a country?” I heard most people ask. Mind you these are people who have used worse to describe or reference Nigeria. Some would go at length to describe their fellow Nigerians as “those Nigerians.” Pardon me; are you not one of them?

The song did describe Nigeria in many ways. The happening and the not happening. Being in Nigeria is a different reality for me, as visiting and looking around is very different from living and experiencing. Much of my observation wouldn’t matter which way you view it. If grace flows from leader to follower, it is a must that grass (or crass) flows from leader to follower or is it the other way around. Case in point: our football teams. I think it has been run much the same way the Nigerian Government has been run.
Here I must offer a disclaimer: Federal agents if you continue to read, you agree that you cannot hold me to any of these words.

Our football matches of recent have been played abysmally. We played well in the news print from every assurance that we will beat Tunisia for the World Cup berth, to how we will win the Under 20 World Cup as well, and the verdict is out on if we will be the first host team to win the Under 17 World Cup. It’s all on paper; read the dailies. We have high-caliber players yet, nothing happened. We are missing the fundamentals of a game everyone thinks we should have mastered. Even the US, a relatively new comer to the world stage have picked up some valuable skills and may one day dominate the sport, and who knows take over FIFA.

To wit (I like grammar) every time I see our preparation for soccer, I see a lot of things wrong with this country of ours. No one knows what is wrong and those who do are pushed to the rear. Everyone makes promises and you wonder if what they see and reality are all illusions to you. We played Germany for the opening of the Under 17 World Cup, and no doubt the boys did some magic. They sure came back, but somehow I think the penalty they got was their good luck charm. The sports commentator, someone I have met stated the “German team have played together for 3 years.” They were not scraped up and expected to perform wonders; they were prepared and it showed. We on the other hand thought our boys were privileged to play and therefore must bend over backwards to earn it.
We have leaders who may or may not be qualified to perform their jobs well. I speak no ill of them, but can you at least read up on what your position is and stop parading yourself as one without clue. It is a dead giveaway. When an IG of Police comments that Nigerians think solving crime is like watching a movie, instead of actually taking steps to solve the crime, what sense does it make? To him? To you? If it cannot be solved in an hour as depicted on CSI Miami, how many days have you had to solve yours? Come to think of it, in CSI Miami or any crime solving movies for that matter, it takes more than the length of the movie. Through the wonders of film editing, they cut it down to an hour or two. Think about it for a minute. Bad Boys I and II, featuring Martin Lawrence and Will Smith, the character Mike Lowry even had time to romp a bodacious lady in Tea Leoni and … Even my man Martin, had time to romp his lady too, and kiss his children good bye. That does take time doesn’t it? So Mr. IG –in case you are reading don’t quote me on this – a movie, in its own reality, spans days and is then compressed into an hour and half showing us the highlights and interesting/gory parts.
I could go on, but it is all fuzzy to me now as I write it down. I am sitting here in the darkness, on a charged laptop battery from the ever noisy, air polluting, diesel guzzling generator – I am not complaining – in a country capable of powering half of Africa or so I heard. The other day I listened to my friend solve the problem of electricity and yet no light. Perhaps you have to.
So I am done rambling. Forgive me while I get back into the grove of writing. It has been a long minute.

THESE ARE ODD:

Driving down the 3rd mainland bridge, as I pass by the turning to Oworonshoki, I see a bill board by Bank PHB quoting Jack Welsh saying “If you don’t take over your destiny, someone else will.” Really? Is that how they summarized what CBN has done to them? They mismanaged their destiny and now Sanusi has taken it over for them. I bet they didn’t see that coming.

Again, I saw people running off the streets when they saw a cow being herded by a lone man. I remember the days they used to have three men control a cow; cows these days are soft. Anyway, it made me wonder if you run off the street from a “harmless” cow, how come you see a crazy driver barreling at you and you dare him to hit you with his car? Only in Lagos.